Ignoring the tension

“It was like certain dinners I remember from the war. There was much wine, an ignored tension, and a feeling of things coming that you could not prevent happening. Under the wine I lost the disgusted feeling and was happy. It seemed they were all such nice people.” The Sun Also Rises Chapter 13

Sometimes people deal with others who disgust them by drinking: nobody quite as offensive that way. As I was reading this, a person came to mind. Now this person does not behave quite like the person Jake was referring to, but this person does get on my nerves. I’m not into drinking. (Can’t really stand the taste of the stuff. Someone once told me that it was an acquired taste. I’ve also heard that about foods like intestines, bugs, and dung.)

So how can I deal with people who get on my nerves? And what do I do with this sort of whiny person that came to mind as I was reading? Never ask the question if you really don’t want the answer. The next thought that came to mind was “Love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you.” Hmmm… This person is not my enemy, nor do I feel particularly persecuted—bothered, annoyed, but not persecuted.

And that is the point. If I am to do that for an enemy, why can’t I do that for the annoying person. So, because I will have contact with this person off and on over the next few weeks due to circumstances, I will do two things: 1) I will pray (daily), mainly for me and my attitude, but also this person. 2) Because love is an action and not a feeling, I will come up with some action that is loving. Don’t know what that is yet, but I am sure something will “come to mind.”

Picking up things from our friends

In chapter 13 of The Sun Also Rises, Jake, as narrator, comments on how Harris, the Englishman they had met on their fishing trip to Spain had picked up the word “utilize” from Bill. He was utilizing it quite often, I suppose, for Jake to have noticed. This got me thinking, though. What kinds of things do we pick up and repeat? Several years ago, after spending a summer working with my brother, I picked up the line, “You gonna have some of that,” meaning, “That tends to happen; what’s the big deal?” For better or worse, I am not sure I spend that much time with any one person these days besides my family. If I have picked up a phrase from someone, I am not aware of it. And then I wondered, does anyone pick anything up from me?

I don’t know about phrases, but I would hope that someone would pick up on my love for God and that it would be contagious. I would also hope that I am not picking up negative things from others: sarcasm, bitterness, complaints, …

I overheard two conversations this morning that were markedly different. One involved a guy who had nothing but positive things to say about someone else. Despite opportunities to take the bait that the other guy was offering, he refused to surrender his position of saying only nice things. I appreciate that. The other involved someone who was trying to get the easy way out. Again, despite opportunities that were offered to drop it, this person repeatedly sought the short cut. 

Now, I don’t know if these were isolated events or not. I don’t know either person. But if they are any indication, I would prefer to hang out with the first guy over the second. I wonder, if people overheard my conversations throughout the day, would they be inclined to hang out with me?

Shallow

I’ve noticed a pattern. Drink. Talk. Drink. Talk. Cab ride. Drink. Talk. Talk. Drink. Cab ride.

This sums up the plot in The Sun Also Rises through 8 chapters. And what about the talk? Hemingway reveals a great deal about relationships based upon drink! The conversations are shallow. Don’t get me wrong. Hemingway is a master at dialogue. Just read “Hills Like White Elephants” to see what he can do through dialogue alone. Here, he reveals through his craft a series of relationships that run no deeper than a puddle in the street after a brief rain. Even between Brett and Jake, no deep conversations take place. 

Lest I become too self-righteous here, I have to admit that I have had many relationships based upon the trivial. I have had relationships based upon sports, girls, a particular class at school, a job, and even theology. All of them no deeper than a puddle in the street after a brief rain. 

One of my teachers in high school said that if we could fill up one hand with true friends we were blessed. I thought she was crazy at the time: I had lots of friends. I had lots of shallow relationships. I did have some deep ones, but not as many as I thought. Today, I am not sure I can count five deep relationships. Two immediately come to mind: my wife and a dear friend who is on the other side of the world. I’ve always thought it interesting that my best friend besides my wife lives several thousand miles away. We keep in touch via e-mail, some of which are surfacy to be sure (we are both rabid Longhorn fans), but many are not, and it is the shallow and deep that make the relationship so enriching. The trivial and life changing can sit a paragraph apart. For that I am blessed.